MARTIN JOHNSON

Most of us will have heard of the ancient ritual performed in drought stricken areas of the world, when six sticks are placed in the ground, a bell is rung, and a man wearing a white jacket intones the sacred word: “Play.”
At which point a loud crack of forked lightning is followed by the sight of cats, dogs and stair rods descending from the sky, followed by a piped voice through a tannoy informing all those who’ve managed to avoid death by drowning: “There will be a further inspection at 1.30.”
Cricket and rain go toge...