MARTIN JOHNSON

Every cloud, as they say, and with Test cricket struggling to pay the bills nowadays, I think I spy a commercial opportunity. How about “B&Q – official ball tampering suppliers to the Australian cricket team. Put an end to all that tiresome rubbing and scraping. Our new electric sander range does all the hard work for you!” Or maybe one of those outdoor camping outlets with the multi-pocketed trousers. “With our Kilamanjaro range, the match referee will never find where you’ve hidden that Swiss Army knife.”
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